Through the looking glass...

Came across a very interesting fact file. Apparently, sunglasses appeared on the scene first in China, and subsequently Italy, but not for what they are used today. Instead, they were used to shield the expressions of judges while they decided court cases, and questioned those in the witness stand.

Today, we are obviously spoilt for choice, and see sunglasses ranging from the wonderful to the weird. For God's sake, you even have those with integrated audio players. Whatever will we have next? Nevertheless, these definitely UP your glam quotient and accentuate your best features.

So we have the most famous style – called the Aviators – perhaps what notched up their spectacular success was their endorsement by a Hollywood celeb, who was earlier famous for a particular 'Maverick' role, but who now, is equally famous (notorious?) with a couch-hopping episode on a very visible chat show.

Next, we have the Jacki-O's or the Onassis glares, sometimes called Vintage / retro glasses), named after JFK's glam wife. These are a preferred lot with today's celebs, who are perpetually trying their best to hide from the pesky paparazzi. Today, they adorn the entire world and its neighbour, for which they have a very 'posh' woman to thank.

You also have tea-shades, referred to as John Lennons or Ozzy glasses (after Ozzy Osbourne), round lenses, held together by a thin rim. Not a style that suits all, these glares need to be worn keeping one's face-cut in mind, lest someone may mistake you for a frog with exopthalmic goitre and
a) either run away from you
or
b) wait for you to hear you croak and hop away.

Next in line are the Wayfarers considered only next to aviators in terms of classic enduring styls that never go out of vogue. They have been made famous by numerous actors and actresses. The trapezoid sits pertly on one's nose, thick arms preventing them from getting unstable and falling off. However, these frames again do not suit all, and if not quite right, can make the wearer look straight out of the pages of a masquerade ball.

The rimless glasses have rapidly ascended the style charts. Sometimes termed snow-goggles, they are larger than the average wayfarer, and perch smartly over the bridge of one's nose. Since they are rimless, they do not sit heavy.

And of course, who can forget the two blinking red hearts perched atop the bridge of a bratty Indian actor's nose last year - and which went straight to the top of the quirky ladder. Millions followed suit - and the red glares were also spotted on an American pop singer, famed for her outrageous dressing sense...

There are of course major benefits of donning sunglasses. They accentuate your best features. Read: eyes too small – wear a dark pair. Unibrow – Jacki O's for you all the way. Nose too thin or fat – choose a flattering Vintage pair. Also, because they make eye contact impossible, glares are conducive in those shoe-shifting, lying moments.

And of course, after a particularly 'spirited' time, and your bloodshot eyes are a dead giveaway or if you have been shedding buckets for that no-gooder beau who left you high and dry, these peeper-hiders come to your rescue brilliantly.

Oh and did I mention, they also do the run-of-the-mill, obvious function of saving your eyes from harmful ultraviolet rays? Yawnnn!

A Tale of Two Teeth

That half the time models walk the ramp at Paris and Milan, and the other half peep at you from mascara-ed eyelashes and / or smoky eyes from overpriced fashion glossies, you’d think the least they could do was smile.

But no. A smirk is probably the best you can get. And that is good. Considering that their faces usually bear a condescending, supercilious mask, almost as if the very thought of genetically inferior ‘masses’ turning the pages of a fashion mag to ogle at them, is repulsive enough for that patronizing look to be plastered permanently on their chiselled features.

Sometimes on a good day, they pose with a half smile, lips slightly parted, two teeth visible, staring at you insolently, as you sigh envyingly, admiring the high cheekbones that have been bronzed to perfection.

That half smile only makes you more anxious about your own status and attitude, as you uneasily look at the clothes / accessories / makeup they model, and make a mental note to pick them or something to that effect the next time your happy feet hit the mall.

That all the plastic you used that month makes a re-appearance in the form of a tidy outstanding sum that you have to shell from your measly salary, is but obvious.

As is the scowl that doesn’t leave your face for the rest of the month.

I don’t think not reading the magazines is a solution.

But then, what else is?

Unsmiling faces on the ramp

See any model sashaying down the ramp, and chances are that he / she would be parading elegant evening wear, swimwear, prêt lines, ready-to-wear collections, you name it - all with poker straight expressions on their faces.

Some of them look straight out of the pages of a magazine which is dedicated to grim, sombre, serious expressions – such are the deadpan looks plastered on their dour faces.

The others look straight ahead, hands in pockets sometimes, the women gracefully keeping their hands on their tiny waists – unseeingly walking towards a wall ahead, tossing their pretty curls disdainfully, towering on their strappy stilettos.

The number one reason why most models pout, sneer, half-smile patronisingly, or look sneeringly at the front-row socialites dripping with diamonds, is that often many designers themselves forbid their models from showing their pearlies on the ramp, lest it distract the audience from the clothes.

True.

With the number of beauties and hunks who parade on the ramp, many of whom look like perfect Grecian specimens of graceful womanhood / manhood, it would indeed be distracting to tear one's look away from the sheer dazzle of their sparkling smiles, and try instead to concentrate on the clothes they are modelling.

There is also the opinion that smiling makes one look younger, and that may look a tad out of place from an elegant collection of formal evening wear.

There is of course the group of funnies who swear that sales would boom if only the models would flash (their teeth, sillies) on the runway, and bet that many women models don't smile because of the sheer pancake plastered on their faces, all in the name of beauty cosmetics.

Smiling, in that case, would cause cracks in the makeup.

There are others who are willing to believe that most models don't
smile on the ramp, because they are:

a) stressed out
b) hungry (not eating for the last two days, all to fit into that
ouch-inducing corset)
c) in pain (blame those footwear and clothes that pinch, all in the
wrong places)
d) scared of developing wrinkles
e) a dentist's delight (what with bad, jutting, maybe uneven teeth) –
a little far-fetched, this one
f) all of the above

Whatever the reasons, the truth is universal – models rarely smile on the ramp.

Even the most theatrical setup for a show will seldom have models who smile dazzlingly.

Instead they prefer to keep stoical, solemn, sneering looks on their expressive, high cheekboned faces, a condescending look plainly evident to all who can see.

Making us go Oooohing and aaahing over their 'attitude,' the clothes they model, and making us wonder about how similar they are to blank canvases displaying an outfit.

What if they traded their expressions, making us think they were animated clothes hangers?

Would that really be such a disaster?