It probably began when we were kids. Your neighborhood playmate was the same age as you - the ripe, impressionable age of 5. Vacay time, the sun was yet to give way to the moon; he / she came to you and piped-up, ‘What do you wanna play?’
To which you, bored stiff with playing with the regular dolls, kitchen sets, tanks, what say you, replied, ‘Doctor Doctor khelein?’ (Should we play Doctor Doctor?)
His / her nod was all the encouragement you needed.
Lo and Behold!
Your clean white bed sheet turned into a make-shift lab coat, your father’s or grandfather’s (as the case may be) spectacles were pinched from their brown case and perched loosely on your twitching-with-excitement nose, the plastic stethoscope made its way out from your toy medical kit, the mini-torch was wiped clean (so as to look deep down someone’s tonsils), ‘syringes’ and ‘injections’ were improvised, some eclairs came out as if by magic from pockets - to serve as 'medicines,' out came the pens and freshly-sharpened pencils, and of course the crucial writing pad, a la doctor’s prescription booklet.
The next few minutes were spent in ‘diagnosing’ the problem and checking the symptoms - thumping on your friend’s chest with gusto, trying to locate (and count) that elusive pulse, knitting your eyebrows in a half-frown, opening the notepad with a loud ‘Phew’ escaping your lips, a customary scribble on a page, tearing the page off, and handing it to a completely-in-the-act ‘patient,’ who for your 'services,' handed you some 'currency notes' (read Monopoly currency). He subsequent trots off to the ‘chemist’ – who turns out to be yet another of your under-7 aged pals, and if the situation is that of a ‘limited’ medical outfit – to your second ‘leading’ role / avatar (Talk about versatility).
Now while our childhood days crept away quite some time back, leaving us nostalgic but progressive; there are some who are yet to be weaned of their ‘doctor’ impulses.
They may be working as engineers, reporters, architects, designers, sales reps, bank officials, executives in backend offices, reporters – everything except in the field of medicine, and yet, their ingrained ‘aptitude’ continues.
So, if you are to mouth that you are suffering from X trouble of the stomach, several solutions will come your way, from these self-professed ‘doctors.’
It doesn’t just stop at recommending so-and-so doctor at such-and-such hospital.
Some (God bless these well-meaning souls) will spout names of OTC pills, urging you to pick them up on your way back home, or worse rummage in their bags / desk-drawers and hand a yellowed pill to you to swallow, much to your alarm / scepticism.
There are others who pour a eulogy into your ears about a ‘ka-zeen’ (cousin) who suffered from (boasted of?) a similar health problem, and was now in the pink of health, thanks to the ‘Godman’ they visited / the contortionistic, blessed with washboard-abs Yoga master on TV who could twist his body into unnatural, serpentine coils and who rid your relative of his ailments (Babaji ki Jai Ho!)
There are the ones who swear by home remedies. Take a twig of mint, put in some ‘tulsi,’ mix it with some turmeric, cloves, cinnamon powder, bay leaves, alovera, fenugreek seeds, add a little bit of curd, grind some ginger into paste, and glug this horrible concoction. And voila! You are brand new (That is if you don’t die by then, thanks to the horrid taste). That you will have dragon-breath for the next three days - now that's another story, innit? And obviously a small price to pay for your 'mint' condition.
And who can forget the ones who shake their heads gravely, look at you miserably as if you are accursed with the dreaded plague, and then expound that this was nature’s way of ‘cur(s)ing’ the sinners. And as you look at him in horror, he clucks his tongue sympathetically, muttering something about how the average life-span is dipping, and those who don’t embrace Homeopathy, are doomed. And dropping those ominous words, he shuffles away, leaving you a little dazed, but alarmed nevertheless).
It gets better.
Though we might have nodded our heads in consent to knowing specimens like the ones above, we ourselves are not averse to dabbling a little in it too.
Sample this:
Have a headache and fever, do you?
Hey, try this medicine called 'Nice.'
(Sigh) Old habits seldom die.
I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I didn't have a lil (failed) doc too inside me.
Do you too?
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