Good Bye (and Good Riddance?)

There it was again – another sleep-inducing, farewell email from a fellow colleague, who had no doubt done a not-so-neat cut-copy-paste routine from his predecesor not so long ago.

I dissed it, barely glancing at what I knew would have read somewhat like this:

Hi All / Dear Friends,
With mixed feelings of happiness and sorror (yeah right!), finally the time has come for me to bid you a fond farewell / As some of you may know, today is my last day at XYZ Company.
It has been a professionally rewarding experience here (tongue-biting). Thank you for the unending support you have constantly provided me during my golden (huh?) carrier (yeah some of ‘em do write that) here.
I hope you stay in touch with me. Though my official email id would get deactivated by today evening, please keep in touch with me at abc@yahoo/gmail/hotmail.com
Good bye!

Is it the boredom of reading a done-to-death valedictory email? Is it the sheer repetitiveness of it all that shrieks Fake Fake Fake in bold lettering? Whatever be the case, this is the exact moment when my eyes get droopy and leaden, yawning gets the better of me, and I roll my eyes exaggeratedly.

Of course I can cut the guy some slack – on his last day at work, there are a hundred pressing issues to be dealt with – accounts, tax, clearance certificates, reference letters, the last shared coffee and lunch, much hand shaking and back-thumping…leaving the poor chap with hardly any time to compose a farewell email.

Yet, in all objectivity, how much time would it really take to put together a brief, decent paragraph? Nothing fancy, mind you. Just a simple draft in which he a) bids farewell b) mentions the memories he takes ahead with him and c) includes the personal email address bit? And leave the recipients to nod their heads and smile in unison instead of making them gag in disbelief at the OD display...

He needn’t mention the fairly obvious truths he may have come across in his work-spell, like Chris Kula, the comedy writer, whose farewell speech was ripped and re-hashed by a guy from JPM and floated across the Firm in a stinging email, burning bridges in the process. Both make for equally amusing reading, but are strictly avoidable, unless you fancy the idea of your F&F payment never making it to your bank account.

Now, while many would not be as game (or as good) as him in whacking the management with a malacca cane, is it really asking for too much to abstain from one of them a dime-a-dozen B-O-R-I-N-G Good bye emails that sound like soporific movie award speeches?

Nobody really pays attention to the cine stars as they clutch their awards and rave about who all helped them achieve their dream, their (over)generous thanking of everyone under the sun (dog included), and the all-too-obvious-contrived tears..(Years of hastily-applied glycerine looked primed for a decided death).

Can we please at least have some genuine-sounding Bub-Bye emails, if not the flashing-the-middle-finger-boldly ones?

Though we’d like to add that we do enjoy the occasional witty verbal treat too, you see. Thank you.