Fashion faux-pas by men

Came across a piece on how some snooty men, cocksure about their boardroom expertise, seem to think they can extend it to their fashion sense(or gasp – lack of it), and instead display, in ample measure, how they can go completely awry about such simple things like classy styles.

Here are the top ten fashion mistakes that even the most alpha of males commit. Tick to see that you ain’t committing any of these howlers, and making your colleagues stuff wads of tissues into their mouth to keep from guffawing every time you pass them by. Tsk tsk.

1. Rucksack / Backpack – What are you? A mountaineer, the newest Reinhold Messner on the block, out on an expedition to the Himalayas, in quest of that elusive yeti? Skip it immediately, and invest in a smart briefcase pronto. Anyway, with the wide array available at the mall in your vicinity, you are utterly spoilt for choice.

2. Color me (blind) – Well, well, well – I quite agree that wearing basic blacks, boring browns, blah blues, and gloomy greys can definitely get a tad dreary. But hey, that doesn’t mean that you would raid your wardrobe for each hue you can possibly remember(and name), and don it to your workplace. After all, you wouldn’t want to strike anyone blind with the OTT color mélange, and / or make them reach out for their pair of aviators, would you? Another blooper – combining two pale colors or two dark colors together. The word is matching, dude, not visually-jarring. Plus, drop those diagonal stripes. Now, now – not in the way you think (pervs). They are best left for that watering spot you wanna hit during the weekends, with your girl. Certainly not in the boardroom – and yup, that aching look which that female colleague has been “bestowing” upon you, is nothing to do with her heart. You are probably giving her an aching headache. Now, don’t let me start about socks. I’ll leave you to your own gumption.

3. Stained clothes - Now pizza may be one of your major weaknesses, but is it really required that you show off those bright yellow mustard spots / telling ketchup marks on your shirt? Ditto for discolored patches under armpits. Jeeeez – put that shirt right where it came from – the washing machine – you new best friend
:-)

4. Pants that aren’t the most flattering fit – Each step you take reveals those sparkling-white Lacoste socks you recently bought. That spring in your step might just be making people splutter in amusement. Pants too tight - definitely not a sight for sore eyes. Too baggy – what are you – a pubescent who’s pulled on his latest anti-fits? A word of advice – use those trial rooms they have in those showrooms. You’ll be wiser, and even have swanky, well-fitting lowers.

5. Ponytails – even Beckham doesn’t have a staple braid – he keeps those glorious tresses short too. So why must you differ? What were you thinking? That women would give an arm and a leg to run their fingers through what you count as your most-prized mane? And with summers in all their scorching fury these days, you’d be more than a little thick-headed to have one of those grimy, sweaty, ponytails. Admit it – they look so much better on your female counterparts, don’t they? (That they use Tony and Guy and you use the average Brylcreem could have a hand, me thinks).

6. Tie the knot – no no, I’m not suggesting that you get knotty, and get affianced in holy matrimony, that was just a lil quip on that ubiquitous tie, a staple on that harried employee, as well as his cool-as-a-cucumber Boss from hell. Avoid the colors that will put a peacock to shame. And stick to the classic three-and-a-quarter width – any less or more will earn you a mention in the Fashion Hall of Shame. The length is also of essence – any longer or shorter than the top of your belt buckle, and you are guaranteed to make the most grim person break out into a telltale chortle.

7. Too much (or no) cologne – now this one is quite a tough one. You don’t wanna reek of traffic / pollution / dust / perspiration (oh bummer). But conversely, you don’t also want to appear as if you doused yourself in that bottle of Hugo Boss. Don’t blame anyone if, as soon as you step out for that customary ciggie, all the bees, butterflies, and birds come humming, flying and chirping towards you. And dude, remember that a cologne that smells divine on your best friend, may not be all that flattering on you. So, use those coffee beans (and your olfactory sense) astutely the next time you go fume-shopping. Better still, take your mom / sister / gal pal along. And avoid the layering thingie – you don’t want people dropping dead around you as soon as you breeze into a room, right?

8. Facial hair – trim, trim, trim. The neat look always scores points, not the Neanderthal gorilla act. Enough said.

9. Jewelry – unless you moonlight as a rock star, after hours, you shouldn’t be caught dead with more than a classy watch, a wedding band, and a simple gold chain (if you really must). Leave the chunky bracelets, thumb rings, etc at home. Or with your ten-year old niece!

10. Comb-overs – tress-cahellenged? Don’t make it all the more evident by arranging them carefully, one by one. Doesn’t work for anyone, except pot-bellied principals, swarthy bank clerks, and officials with pince-nez perched on their nosy-noses. Go the bald way a la Vin Diesel / Bruce Willis, if you are a) adventurous and b) can totally carry it off with panache (not recommended for the meek and weak-hearted though).

There you are. A ready reckoner for all you guys out there.
Go ahead, put your best foot forward. And stun them with your individualistic style, not sniggering behind your back.
Atta guys!