Giving off a message...

While stuck in a traffic snarl, I often do one of the following activities to keep myself amused / occupied -
a)yap incessantly into my phone
b)look at my nails to see if one of them has grown overnight (they never do. Bah!)
c)try to guess what people in the loco pulled alongside are conversing about (pretty boring actually, as one can never know whether the guesses are right or otherwise)
d)counting cows on the roads (there are quite a few you see), and so on…

Another time pass, especially on a long long highway, is reading the messages emblazoned vividly on the backs of trucks. Yes, those smoke-puffing horrors that are driven by sadists / perverts who look straight out of some D-grade Punjabi flick, have quite a few amusing, some downright side-splitting messages.

Seems like that there is more to those colorfully decorated trucks than just their lame attempts at jinx-proofings(read the ubiquitous slipper / green-chili / lemon strung on a string) after all.

And each truck has a different story to unfurl...

That you can read these messages only when their drivers are NOT doing the Michael Schumacher / Fernando Alonso (drool drool) impersonation is a different story altogether.

Besides the "Hum do, Hamare Do" (We two, our two) message that spreads its social-awareness bit, and appeals for small-sized families, there are others that range from the Oh-my-Gosh-what-in-goodness-gracious-is-that to the wickedly funny.

I’ve never been able to understand why trucks (and there are many of these) that cheerfully proclaim, "Horn OK Please." Some people are lactose-intolerant, some are saccharine-intolerant - I’m horn-intolerant. Why anyone in his right mind would invite aural trouble upon himself, and encourage people to toot their obnoxious horns, completely beats me. You do have weirdos everywhere, I guess.

Then you have one of the eternal-favorites “OK Tata Phir Milengey”(OK, Bye, We’ll meet again), that borders on the persistently-optimistic.

A classic-cult movie (in the news again for its shoddy remake by one of our most talented film-makers), has spawned an entire legacy in truck literature, the most common one being, “Chal, Meri Dhanno,” (in honor of an equestrian in the flick). Other spin-offs include, “Chal meri Raam Dulaari / Pyaari.”

Upping the patriotic fervor, you have the much-used-to-death, “Mera Bharat Mahaan” (My India is great).

Keeping with a “nasal,” capped singer’s “singing”prowess in mind, is another hot-favorite, “Tera Mera Saat” (13-mera-7), meaning "Your and my comradeship". Not to be crooned, let me add hastily. Not to be left behind, another numerically-inclined message proffers itself - “Ek saat teen teen” ( 1-7-3-3), which can be loosely interpreted as the randy “three simultaneously, ” an expression, I must admit, put my guy into bursts of rapturous sighing, and longing “If onlys…” And causing me to repent instantly my penchant for putting my foot into my mouth.

There are the occasional ones in verse too.

Sample this:

“Chalti hain gaadi,
Udti hain dhool,
Jaltey hain dushman,
Khiltey hain phool.”

(Uhmm, lemme try the translation here: the truck moves, the dust billows; enemies are envious, while flowers bloom).

Yet another of those rhyming ones:

“Amiron ki zindagi biscuit aur cake par
Driver ki zindagi clutch aur brake par”
(Loosely translated into: The wealthy thrive on their biscuits and cakes; the driver thrives on the clutch and brake).

Some sensible ones also decide to show-up, common among them being the stoic “Use Dipper at Night” ones, and extending to the slightly exaggerated but nevertheless well-meaning advice, “Babuji, dheerey chalna,” (Hey Mister, go slow), probably “inspired” by a popular yesteryear’s silver screen song.

Another fairly frequent one is the one where the driver’s / owner’s name is liberally splashed in vivid hues. Causing you to know their names, from miles away.

Some border on the droll:

“Shaam hotey hi yeh dil udaas hota hain,
Tootey khwabon ke siwa kuch na pass hota hain,
Tumhari yaad aise waqt bahut aati hain,
Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hain.”
(Dusk falls, and this heart feels glum, it has nothing but broken dreams with it. It misses you immensely at such times, when a monkey is nearby.) No, don’t glare at me – I didn’t make this up myself. And another N-O – don’t even ask me what in the world is it supposed to mean!

Then,there are the ones that leave you at a loss for words.

“Ladki ko mat chhed, paap hoga,
Ek din tu bhi kisi ladki ka baap hoga”
(Don’t eve-tease the girl, one day you shall yourself be the father of a daughter).

Enough said.

I rest my case.

OK Tata Phir Milengey…