With a title like that, Loins of Punjab Presents sure must have grabbed quite a few eyeballs. Which would however, soon crease into wide smiles and / or impish grins, depending on your affinity.
A perfect weekend watch, Loins of Punjab Presents (I won’t deny that I get a kick each time I say the title aloud) takes you through the quirks, anxieties, ambitions, delusions, and machinations of an Indian diaspora in New Jersey. Thrown together one weekend to win the $25,000 jackpot of a reality show called Desi Idol, seven contestants attempt to sweat it out for the moolah. The show is organized by the boorish Jameel Khan, who takes the word ‘crude” to an altogether new high.
A walk through the contestants almost makes you feel they are intensely familiar. So you have the conniving socialite, Rita Kapoor (a stunning Shabana Azmi), assaying the Machiavelli act to perfection, complete with arched eyebrows, secretive smirks, and glinting eyes. Her only aim is to outdo a certain rival, who happens to be a prominent media person / socialite / theater personality. So when the rival donates a raffle draw prize money in charity, our very own Ms. Azmi sets her heart upon doing the same, albeit on a grander, more ostentatious manner. And the best course of action she decides to take, is entering the talent show, trotting off with the prize money on designer heels, and donating it all in charity. This, while the blinding flashing cameras click away merrily, and eager photojournalists hang-on to, and hastily jot-down her well-rehearsed “noble” speeches. As far as competition is concerned, Pshaww. What do some ignorant buffoons pose to her Royalty herself? Out she comes with her social networks (carefully updated and maintained over the years, no doubt), and like a seasoned Grandmaster, she sets about removing all the barriers that lie between the jackpot and her. Too bad that in the end, her hubby dear decides to have a torrid affair with the rival.
Next is Preeti, one of the huge Patel family’s offspring, all of 17 years old, blessed with a divine voice, which however, she only uses to sing. The talking? Well, she leaves that to her Scrooge Gujju clan, who will go all out to ensure that she wins. Even if that means spouting malapropisms (Cock for Coke; snakes for snacks – you get the drift, right), or taking the very very openly gay judge to, hold your breath, an all-female strip club, leaving him gagging/ frothing at the mouth. Do watch out towards the end, when Preeti finally opens her mouth to take Shabana Azmi by total surprise.
Sania Rehman fits the bill of the ABCD (for the uninitiated, American Born Confused Desi) to the T. Conversant with only a smattering of Hindi, which she uses sparingly, she dreams of making it big in Bollywood as an actress. And for whom, the Desi Idol contest seems like Manna from heaven and the perfect launchpad…
Vikram Tejwani (Manish Acharya, who incidentally is also the writer and director of the movie) plays the statistics-mouthing Amitabh Bachan aficionado, who, with his job getting outsourced to India, decides to give a shot at the contest. Love blossoms between him and Sania Rehman…
Then you have the odd man out – Josh Cohen, an American contestant, who loves Indian music and his Indian girlfriend, a wasted Ayesha Dharker here. The earnestness with which he sings the only two Hindi pieces he know – the Indian National anthem, and Yeh Hain Bombay meri Jaan, tugs at your heartstrings…
The funniest are the two Bhangra rappers, who insist on using the effing-word in every sentence they mouth. One of them goes by the name of Turbanotorious B.D.G (Ajay Naidu), and even gets one of the judges, another fusion music artiste, to rap with him. The swear words might be a little harsh on your acoustic sense, but boy! Can he dance!!! I almost whistled aloud – he was that incredible.
The film, is packed into a nifty 90 minutes-something, and keeps you entertained with its rollicking dialogue-delivery, crisp story line, and inane characters. The last includes an elderly citizen, who borders on paranoia that terrorists are lurking in every nook and corner of New Jersey, and who often gives “helpful” tip-offs to the police about probable terrorists.
Loins in Punjab Presents made me wonder, why such a cavorting flick, didn’t come out much earlier.
After all, with the spate of reality / talent shows that have pervaded channels pan-geographically, a movie must have long been in the offing.
A must watch. Go grab your laffs.
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