Of cars and their drivers

Depending upon the number of zeroes the car in front costs, the car right behind it keeps its distance – safe or with its nose right up the first car’s bumper.

Just one of my many observations, on one of my many spells of lack of any occupation (I can almost see many heads nod in unison - !@#$%^&).

Now that I have let off steam with those therapeutic words (ahem ahem - and I hope my Mom never reads this post), let me come right back to the topic.

The other day, I asked my cab diver why he was moving along at a snail’s pace behind the sleek black car (that must have cost its owner a tidy sum) in front. His answer was classic – “Madame, uss gaadi ka ek tyre meri poori gaadi se zyaada mehenga hoga shaayad,” loosely translated in English as: “Madame, probably one tyre of that car will cost more than my entire car.”

This set me thinking. Staying in Delhi, I have had seen more than my share of traffic snarls on the road. I’ve seen it all – roadside vendors selling anything at traffic jams - from tender coconuts, magazines, wilted roses, balloons, toys, pens, you name it (I wouldn’t be surprised one day if you are waiting for the traffic light to turn green, and you can choose from the cans the vendor proffers: Budweiser, Carlsberg, Heineken, Corona, closer home – Kingfisher, Haywards, and some other fizzies).

Being a frequent user of the three-wheeled green and yellow CNG auto rickshaws, I have to also contend with urchins who shove their palms right under your nose, moving away only when you drop a shiny coin or a note in it, and sometimes, the odd snake-charmer out to make you reach out for your wallet in fright, thanks to the lazy python that twists around its master’s neck and peeps at you with one glittering eye (Oh horror!), and the joss sick seller who sells fragrant incense-sticks, one of my favorites. Till last fortnight, I had a neat stack of packs of incense-sticks, so I am in a pretty good position to comment upon this particular subject.

But as is my wont, I have again rambled. Sigh. I could do with some focus, really!

Many people, who drive, have a strange predilection for inching their cars as close as is humanly possible to the car right in front. A frog would be the only animal that would be able to escape from between where the bumper of the first car and the bonnet of the second car looked as if they were leaning in for a passionate embrace, and that too only because it would go hoppity-hop.

The second car right behind looks akin to a schoolteacher who has notions about a possibility of cheating by an errant schoolboy, and is therefore, extra cautious, breathing down the student’s neck, who all the while, tries his best to remember what he has rote-learned the day before, and is hastily scribbling it all on his examination sheet.

All this changes if the car in front happens to be from the luxury car segment.

In which case, the car behind suddenly decides to make slow-and-steady its new road-mantra, keeping a safe distance, almost like a reverential devotee standing hands-folded, head bowed, in front of a deity’s icon.

Honking, that favorite pastime of many drivers, enough to make even the sanest crazy, is also done away with. Welcome PEACE. Obligatory applause.

It is also a sight for sore eyes when two cars come right on towards each other.

Rule # 1 – the guy in the small car is always expected to back off, even if he is on the right of way. I keep wondering who created this Rule.

The Golden Rule – remember this – Have Vocal chords. Will Scream. (Enuff said).

Rule # 2 – When in any confusion, refer to the Golden Rule. Always works. Use your voice, Mistah!

However, if a single metal scrape between the luxury car and an average car were to happen, you may bid adieu to all the peace you were reveling in.

And it is highly recommended that reach out for your iPod, adjusting it to full blast.

Next / Sometime else: The scrape that results in DOP (Destruction of Peace).