'Knotty' gifts - Being at the receiving end

An article about (un)wanted wedding gifts in yesterday’s national daily brought back a flood of memories from my own ‘knotty’ affair in 2009.

It being mid-April, the weather was at its most-sweltering, hottest, sweatiest best. As if that were not enough, the morning after we took our vows, was dedicated to ripping the carefully-wrapped wedding presents. Some people had done an exceptionally great job of packing - their prezzies tightly-swaddled in mile-long garishly-colored wrapping sheets.

The job looked daunting, but a pair of shiny steel scissors made it a tad easier. Wiping beads of perspiration from our brows, newly-knotty hubby and me descended upon the task at hand, slashing the bow-tied packages.

While some gifts did get the ‘Ooooh, that’s just what we need,’ or ‘I love it’ responses, there were also those that had us scratching our heads in bewilderment.

Which brings me to that pertinent question – why do people insist on gifting these hugely unimaginative gifts?

 The set of air-diffusers, the set of two mugs or the faux leather bag that they very evidently got with a subscription to a magazine. Thrift? Or plain cheap?
 The assortment of lemonade glasses, pitchers, cups and saucers, mugs, tumblers, goblets and crystal bowls. Maybe a cupboard to stack these could be a handy gift too...
 Bath robes and matching carpet slippers for the bride and groom are fine. Why do they have to be accompanied by two more pairs in much smaller sizes – in anticipation of the kids? Duh!
 Cushion covers / table mats / bedsheets / tea cosys / sofa covers / curtains. Did you not read the invite properly? It’s a wedding, for Chrissake! Not a housewarming party. And what really is the need for those 5 vases in one case, in various sizes? Are you telling them that their future home is so drab, all its rooms need flowers to brighten them? Be sure that they would have struck your name off their party list PERMANENTLY...
 Huge picture frames. With bright gold borders. Oh, and did I mention – with the wrong initials
 Clothes in rainbow hues. Or in sizes that you cannot squeeze your frame into, no matter how hard you suck in your breath. Or in sizes that the bride or groom can only fit into if they were 8-months preggers. Reversible belts – Wow!!! Just what they need! And pray what are the ties for – for the newly-weds to hang themselves? Point noted
 Coffee table books. Sheathed in heavier than cast-iron boxes. The kinds that would make you go ‘Owwww’ if they were to fall upon your foot
 Spa vouchers. At seedy spas. Or at spas you would grade 0.25 on a rate of 1 to 10 in terms of their hygiene factor
 Philosophy books. Really???
 Ceramic animals. ‘Nuf said!
 This one is for that ingenious species – called the Re-gifters. Old, (un)used gifts are wrapped in gaudy sheets, and Voila! You have yellowed-frayed-at-the-edges towels, that have unquestionably seen better days. And which were kept surrounded by mothballs in that family trunk for years, waiting to see the light of day. They did emerge from their hibernation - after 6 loooong years. Ahem!
 Prezzies with price tags deliberately left on. No matter how much you want to impress, their givers invariably get an entry into the Most-trashy-gifters category...
 Blenders, irons and iron boards, tea kettles, hot flasks, toasters, immersion rods (Gasp), juicers
 Cook books. Loads of them. Some in regional languages that the groom and the bride may not be familiar with
 A stationery hamper. No doubt flicked over a period of time from office (eyes rolling)

With the wedding season on in full gusto around us, I hear many of my about-to-get-hitched pals, making plans of making elaborate gift registries, to avoid the frustration of getting multiple bedsheets. There are also those who are toying with the idea of putting in a wishing well at the venue, for added measure, hoping that the ‘green’ initiative takes off well...

To see whether their efforts bear fruit, I’d have to wait for a good month and a half to transpire (which is the time for those friends to get ‘knotty’).

Or perhaps, we’ll be sitting together on some warm January Sunday afternoon, drinking out of those same painted lemonade glasses, and guffawing about the seventeen exactly-similar mini-irons that were probably bought around the same time at this year’s Trade Fair...

Keep watching this space for more on this…