Clothes make the man....

It all started with me, on one of my bright, sunnier days.
So, there was this group of guys who were discussing Thierry Henry.
I butted in, opened my big trap, and moaned how I had been dying to buy Thierry, except that my depleting wallet kept me in check from going all out and splurging.
The startled guys looked at me, and exclaimed that they didn’t know that he was up on sale.
A split second saw me transform from confident chica to stammering senorita.
Too bad, in my eager-beaver avatar, I hadn’t paid much attention; the guys were discussing the Arsenal striker, while I was musing about the French perfume. Except the common name, and nationality, the two had nothing in common.
My face was a dead giveaway, having turned a beetroot / crimson shade, and I hastily beat a quick retreat.
Doesn’t matter, I tried to reassure myself, there are a lot of times that men, those people who claim to be “superior” know-it-alls, are completely clueless about women’s clothes, accessories, and other weapons of mass destruction.
Now, don’t go about thinking that the next few lines are gonna contain a comprehensive glossary of clothing items. They aren’t. I’m just gonna be telling you how men are completely at a loss, knowing precious nothing about things like the difference between bell sleeves and raglan sleeves.
Read on…
99% of men would think that the word “fillet,” means an average McDonald’s burger, and have absolutely no idea that it is also a headband. So if you are busily rummaging for one, and tell your keeping-an-eye-on-his-watch beau that you are looking for a fillet, chances are that he might disappear and return in a flash, with what else – the namesake burger.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you choke back your laughter, much to his puzzlement(and later annoyance).
One of my male friends, once asked me if “cowl” is “scowl” minus the “s.” He just couldn’t get it, when I almost bit my hand, to keep from guffawing.
You ask men something, and if they don’t feel like replying, they’d probably “shrug” their shoulders. Imagine their surprise, when you tell them that a “shrug” can also be thrown over a woman’s shoulders.
For a simple guy, a hose is just a tool to squirt water on the grass (and on his friends, when he is in the mood for some water-fun). However, apparently, you can also wear a hose on your legs.
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
You “clutch” a beer, and hang on to it, if some mean chap is trying to snatch your beer (Ha! Fat chance! Let the sodding guy try as much as he wants – you’ve got a vice-like grip on your poison, and you are definitely not letting go. He can try each ounce of his brawny body, for all you care, right?)
But now, it seems, a “clutch” is also a lil’ bag that women carry (No wonder men have this glazed, bewildered expression on their faces, when their women pals drag them for those yoyal-pain-in-the-rear shopping trips).
To add more confusion, “peasant” tops are not worn by the humble, peasant girls. They were all the rage on the Milan and Paris ramps a couple of years back, adorning the most high-maintenance of models on their sky-high stilettos.
Many men believe that "Harem" pants are usually worn by (ahem) street walkers, or 21st century "Marjinas"(remember Ali Baba). Imagine their surprise (and alarm), when their college-going-teeny-bopper sisters suddenly crave for this piece of clothing to make an addition to their already overflowing wardrobes!
“Bolero,” is not just a car, it is also a kind of jacket.
(What about Baleno, Verna, Sonata, Lancer - you are asking, right ?)
Similarly, a bonnet, besides being the hood of your car engine, is also a kind of hat(the kinds that that horse-faced Camilla Parker Bowles wears, on her visits with the equally equine Prince Charles). Now Price William, ah, he is a different story altogether…
During winters, if you were to tell a guy that you just needed to buy that “parka,” you’d probably receive a mystified look.
“Spaghetti straps,” done to death by Mandira “noodle” Bedi,” are perhaps the term that some guys are familiar with, but try telling them that a “skort” is a pair of shorts with a front covering, like a skirt, all you would receive is a well-practised snort of derision / despair.
“Leotards” are not leopards, spelled incorrectly; neither are “kick pleats” kicked into place.
A “Racer back” has nothing to do with Michael / Ralph Schumacher, or the equally competent (and delectable) Fernando Alonso.
“Halter” backs have nothing to do with motion, though they are known to cause many a man, to pause and admire an exposed back and shoulders (nudge nudge).
“Basque” does not only refer to the Spanish revolution, it is also a kind of waist; so is an Empire waist. (More and more weird, isn't it?)
Oh pleeeeeeese tell me that Maoism isn't some kind of dress
A chap looked completely bamboozled, when his girlfriend came out of a trying room in an up market mall, and demanded to know whether she should buy the kurta with the sweetheart neck, the crew neck, or the Mandarin collar. I really wasn’t surprised to see the poor chap, pretend a choking attack, and run in the opposite direction, muttering something about women and their perplexing ways.
“Wet look” is not just the slicked-with-Brylcreem look; it also refers to clothes that have a shiny surface(usually with some amount of lycra). Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!
And then, how could I forget the time, when I had to gently chide my guy friend, and correct him, when he remarked that Ustad Amjad Ali Khan (he of the two cute sons), was a whiz with the “sarong,”



I bet the “sarod” maestro’s wife would not have been delighted to hear my friend’s confident account about her husband’s skills.